Masculinity: An Earthly Window into Divine Realities

Forehead, chest, left-shoulder, right-shoulder. Most of us learn the Sign of the Cross at an early age. It is routine, and it is everywhere. Professional baseball players cross themselves before stepping up to the plate; heads of state perform the ritual at official gatherings. For many, the sign has become so common it is mundane. But what does the sign actually mean?

“In the name of the Father (forehead), Son (chest), and Holy Spirit (left shoulder – right shoulder).” If you have spent any time whatsoever around the Catholic Church, you’ve heard these words time and again. The Sign of the Cross expresses the most central doctrine of our faith: the Trinity. There is only one God, but within the one God, there are three Persons: the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. The Trinity is enormously important — but just like the Sign of the Cross, we rarely take time to think about it. It seems to have little relevance to our actual lives. While we might know it’s true in our minds, few of us allowed the doctrine to enter our hearts.

Christian doctrines can easily become religious trivia, disconnected from our actual experience of the faith. We treat them like abstract facts, kind of like H2O = water, or that triangles have three angles, or that George Washington was the first president of the United States. Trivia is nice, but it doesn’t make much difference in our lives.

Now, should the Trinity be trivia? Should the Sign of the Cross be an extra? Of course not. Church teaching should not be trivia. It should make a difference. In fact, Church teaching should affect everything. Theologian Frank Sheed says:

The test of anyone’s mind is what is in his mental landscape. And it is not enough that we should see the same things as other people plus the things the Church teaches. Even the things that we and they both see will not look the same or be the same; because what the Church teaches affects even the things already in the landscape, the things of ordinary experience. It is like a physical landscape at sunrise: it is not that you see the same things that you saw before and now find yourself seeing the sun as well. You see everything sun-bathed. Similarly, it is not a case of seeing the same universe as other people and then seeing God over and above. For God is at the center of everything whatsoever. If we would see the Universe aright, we must see it God-bathed. [1]

The faith is like the sun: When there is no sun, there is only darkness. People stumble in the dark, but when the sun shines, people walk freely, and the whole world makes sense. The sun destroys physical darkness, and faith destroys spiritual darkness. Just like a person walking at night struggles to find the road, so too does a faithless man struggle to find meaning in his life. The sun reveals the beauty of the universe; the faith reveals the fullness of life!

So, the faith can help us understand the world, but the reverse is also true: The world can help us to understand the faith! You see, God knew that He might seem distant, so He made Himself present in concrete and tangible things. These things are called Sacraments. The Eucharist is a Sacrament because in the Mass God becomes present to us under the appearance of bread and wine. Here, God shows us just how much He wants to be in relationship with us. He wants to come close to us so desperately that He is willing to become our food. God makes Himself concrete and personal under the appearance of bread and wine. In this way, God uses the things of the world to make sense of the faith. So the bridge goes both ways: Faith illuminates the world, and the world illuminates the faith.

Marriage is a Sacrament. Why is marriage a Sacrament? Because sexuality, marriage and the family, perhaps more than any other worldly thing, teach us about God’s love. Marriage, an earthly reality, illuminates the divine. Marriage teaches us about God in the same way that biology teaches us about the physical universe. Marriage, sexuality, and the human body constitute a kind of theology. [2]

Think about it like this: Let’s say that man’s search for God is like trying to understand a difficult academic subject, such as astronomy or biology. What would an astronomer do without a telescope? And what would a biologist do without a microscope? Stars are difficult to see with the naked eye, and cells are too small to even notice. The sacraments are like telescopes and microscopes. They make sense of the world beyond and the world within. God gave them to us so that we might see Him more clearly. And just like the facts about a star — its color, shape and composition — become clear with a telescope, so too the facts about God become concrete in sexuality, marriage, the family, masculinity, and femininity. Marriage and sexuality make theology tangible. Through the lived reality of sexual difference, doctrines that might otherwise appear remote or abstract—such as the Trinity—take on personal and existential significance.

The way that you live your masculinity; that is, the way that you serve others, exercise your fatherhood. The way that you act as a husband, or simply the way that you treat women. The way that you show up as a man to your friends, nieces and nephews, coworkers, anyone over whom you have influence. It matters. Why? Because your masculinity is intended to give the world a taste for the love of God the Father. 

How so? The imago dei is present throughout Christian art, theology, and culture. One of the most famous depictions is the central image for Michaelangelo’s ceiling in the Sistine Chapel where Adam’s body is symmetrically depicted as a mirror image of God the Father. When you look at Adam, you get a sense for God the Father. And when you look at God the Father, you understand Adam more deeply. 

The Church has always taught that human beings are created in the imago dei, that is, we are created in God’s image and likeness. In the very first book of the bible, scripture tells us in Genesis 1:27 that “God created man in his image, male and female he created them.” The imago dei is important for so many reasons. For centuries, philosophers, theologians, even political governments have grounded humanity’s dignity on the theological supposition that human beings are created in God’s image and likeness, and, for this reason, possess a greater dignity than all other species. 

Much has been written about the imago Dei in theological, philosophical, poetic, mystical, and even political works. Yet one aspect—or perhaps one implication—of this teaching is frequently misunderstood. When people hear that humanity is created in the image and likeness of God, they often assume that the imago Dei applies only to the immaterial dimensions of human existence, such as the intellect or the soul. While these are certainly essential aspects of our humanity, they do not exhaust what it means to be human. The whole person, body and soul alike, is created in God’s image. Indeed, Genesis 1:27 draws special attention to this fact. After declaring that humanity is made in the divine image, the sacred author immediately adds, “male and female he created them.” The inclusion of sexual difference in the very context of the imago Dei suggests that our embodiment—and specifically our creation as male and female—is not incidental to God’s plan, but somehow reveals something important about the divine image itself.

All of this points to a remarkable truth: we reflect something of the nature of divine love not only in the immaterial dimensions of our being, but also in the bodily—and indeed sexually differentiated—dimensions of our humanity. For us as men, this reality should instill a profound sense of responsibility. Masculinity, rightly lived, becomes a window into the very love of God.

This should not surprise us. Throughout Scripture, God reveals himself as both Father and Bridegroom. Through the prophet Isaiah, he declares, “Your Maker is your husband, the Lord of hosts is his name” (Is. 54:5). Indeed, spousal imagery permeates both the Old and New Testaments. Yahweh is not merely the Lord of Israel; he is repeatedly portrayed as Israel’s bridegroom. When the Israelites turned away from him, their unfaithfulness was likened to adultery. When they remained steadfast in covenant fidelity, their loyalty was described in the language of a faithful marriage. The marital relationship, therefore, is not simply a useful metaphor for understanding God’s love—it is one of the primary ways God has chosen to reveal that love throughout salvation history.

God is father. God is bridegroom. When we, as earthly men created in his image and likeness, faithfully step into those roles ourselves, we become living images of the divine love we are called to reflect.

Sexual Authenticity

The Church’s vision of marriage, sexuality, masculinity, and femininity is breathtakingly beautiful, and it stands in sharp contrast to the vision offered by contemporary American culture. We live in a throwaway society—a world of fast food, disposable products, and endless shortcuts. Increasingly, this mentality has seeped into our understanding of sex and relationships. Rather than embracing sexuality as something sacred, meaningful, and life-giving, our culture often reduces it to a commodity to be consumed.

As a result, America is awash in sexual counterfeits. From hook-up culture on college campuses to pornography, strip clubs, and countless other distortions, we are surrounded by imitations of authentic intimacy. The same dynamic affects our understanding of masculinity. We celebrate caricatures of manhood: the ego-driven gym enthusiast who equates masculinity with muscle mass, or the womanizer whose pursuit of conquest leaves a trail of wounded relationships in its wake. In both cases, what is presented as masculinity is merely an imitation of the real thing—a hollow substitute for the self-giving love and responsibility to which men are actually called.

All of us must ask ourselves: Do we really want a counterfeit experience of sexuality, or do we want something real? Do we want to experience our own masculinity in a cheap, shallow fashion, or do we want to experience the depth of masculinity, even if that experience is costly? 

At the heart of the Church’s teachings on sexuality is an encouragement to turn away from fake sex and choose the real thing. There is a way in which all of Church sexual teaching boils down to the Church begging, pleading with humanity to bring the sexual dimension of their beings into reality; that is, into what is true, and good, and beautiful. 

Perhaps the most fundamental way men reject the truth of reality in favor of its counterfeit is through lust. In Matthew 5:27 – 28, Jesus gives us some challenging words: “You have heard it said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” What strong words! Pope Saint John Paul II reads this passage to say, “Everyone who looks at a woman [reductively] has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” What does John Paul II mean here? Well, we know from before that bodies in themselves aren’t bad; they’re in fact very, very good. 

That said, unfortunately bodies are so good, that sometimes we focus exclusively on the body, forgetting about the whole person, and this is what happens in lust. When a man or woman lusts, they’re not looking at a whole person; rather, their gaze stops at the surface. Just like John Paul II said, lust reduces the person to the body, ignoring the whole picture. In this way, lust stops at the cheap, easy surface of sexuality, missing the real thing.

Some argue that lust should not be considered a sin. After all, it doesn’t seem like lust hurts anyone, so what’s the problem? And more generally, why does the Church care about sexual sin if that sin does not do obvious physical harm to anyone? The problem with lust is that lustful actions don’t treat people like people; lustful actions treat people like objects, and this does A LOT of harm. Lust takes a whole person, a body-soul union, and cuts that person into two pieces: a body and a soul. When we look at someone lustfully, we do violence to them with our eyes. And lust does not only harm the person who is lusted after; it also harms the person who is lusting. Think about it: Our minds desire consistency, and if we mentally separate other people from their bodies, we’ll do the same to our own identity. If we view other bodies as objects for consumption, we will inevitably view our own bodies as mere objects of pleasure. [3]

There is an enormous loss when men succumb to lust. And there is an enormous gain when they achieve victory over their lustful passions. Perhaps the greatest gain is that men who learn to live chastely regain their ability to bear the image and likeness of God to men in their lives. As men, God is calling us to see women as he sees them. When we live chastely, we answer the call. We reflect the love of God to those who desperately want to see him: to our spouse, to our children, and more broadly to anyone who encounters us as a man. But when we fail in chastity, we forsake the image. We preach an anti-gospel to our wives, our children, and anyone affected by the effects of our sin.  

Application: Speaking Truth as Men (Two Analogies)

You might consider sexuality in general, and masculinity in particular, is like a sacred letter written from God to humanity, and we want to read it correctly. Pope Saint John Paul II spoke of sexuality, masculinity, and femininity as a language: man and woman reciprocally express themselves in the fullest and most profound way!”. The key to happiness then as a man is learning to speak this language, according to our unique vocation, in authenticity!

The virtue that protects this sacred letter is chastity. Speaking of chastity, St. Paul says, “For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from unchastity; that each one of you knows how to keep his own body with holiness and reverence, not as the object of lustful passions” (1 Thess 4:3 – 5). St. Paul knows that sexuality is sacred! He knows that the body speaks a language! But he is also familiar with human nature, and he knows it is easy to use the body in a deceptive way instead of an authentic way. Thus, he encourages us to keep or protect the body in “holiness and reverence.” In so doing, a chaste person can preserve their ability to speak the language of the body rightly. Just like preserving a letter, chastity helps us preserve the language of the body! 

The most masculine man is the chaste man, because it is only the chaste man who has control over his masculine passions. He is the man who is fully able to bear the image and likeness of God to those around him. He is able to channel the power of his masculine person in a way that is productive of true good. His masculinity does not hurt women, children, nor the world at large. Instead, the masculinity of the chaste man creates families, protects them, preaches the gospel to them, and ultimately builds the kingdom of God! 

Chastity does not come easily for most men. There are always new heights to climb for the man who desires to grow in chastity. Even after conquering sins such as sex outside of marriage, pornography, and masturbation, the journey is not over. A man should continue striving for greater mastery over his mind and desires. He should seek to become more fully masculine in a way that reflects the image and likeness of God. The goal is not merely to make chaste decisions through constant struggle, but to grow into a man for whom chastity has become second nature—something woven into the fabric of his very being. For the truly chaste person, doing the right thing is not a struggle because they have trained their desires to desire correctly. This kind of chastity answers Jesus’ call to purify our hearts.

Let’s think about chastity in terms of two analogies. First, consider an Olympic athlete, say a soccer player named Michael. Michael is a good soccer player, but he wasn’t always so good. Michael practiced a lot. If Michael had not practiced, he wouldn’t have been able to make the split-second decisions necessary to win games. It was practice that gave Michael the freedom to play soccer well. But not everyone is so free. Poor soccer players are plagued by indecision. Such a person might wonder, “Should I pass right…or maybe pass left…take a shot…or maybe keep dribbling?” But Michael is not plagued by such indecision; he simply acts. He does not hesitate because he has trained himself to quickly make the right decision. Unlike the unskilled soccer player who sees a million different options, Michael sees only one option — the best option — and he takes it.

Olympians are skilled athletes, and becoming a skilled athlete requires virtue. A virtue is a habit which enables a person to desire and act in accord with their true self, living in accord with the fullness of their being. Virtue paves the way for human flourishing. Now chastity is the virtue in the Church which concerns sexuality. Olympians train their bodies, and this training enables them to compete well. We’re called to do something similar with sexuality.

Just like an athlete, if we are willing to suffer, denying ourselves certain pleasures, we can train our bodies to desire the right things. This is true sexual freedom: the ability to desire as we ought to desire and live in accord with that desire. Training made Michael more, not less, of a soccer player, and the same is true for chastity. 

But, you might say, don’t I have the right to be creative, to express myself as I see fit? To be sexually promiscuous is to be free! Well, consider this. Do lust and sexual promiscuity actually make us free? This brings us to our second analogy. Instead of an Olympian, let’s consider a musician, say Beethoven. Beethoven’s music is brilliant. But, you might ask, how did Beethoven become such a good musician? For one, Beethoven spent years learning to play the piano. Furthermore, he learned the rules of music. He learned that certain notes go well together, that certain rhythms are intuitively appealing and that certain harmonies fit well with certain melodies. He learned that music has a certain order. Beethoven received the musical tradition, the rules and the wisdom of history’s greatest musicians. He then incorporated this tradition into his muscle memory. And here’s the important part. Learning these rules did not hinder Beethoven’s creativity — it did just the opposite: It brought Beethoven’s music to life!

What was true for Beethoven is also true for sexuality. It is true of the way that you live your masculinity. The chaste man holds his body in reverence, keeping it undefiled from the things of this world. He is, so to speak, a gentleman. He has gained the strength to channel his masculine passions. He can control himself. He is not a slave. To preserve our sexuality is like a musician preserving their ears. The best musicians often wear ear plugs in loud settings so as to preserve their hearing. They want to keep their ears sensitive to the smallest, most subtle sounds. Any medical doctor will tell you that the ear is a delicate organ, but sexuality may be even more delicate.

This is why the notion of sexual experimentation is a lie! Our culture tells us that careless, unrestricted sex will make us happy. But this is false. Just like loud music at a rock concert, counterfeit sex inhibits our ability to listen and speak with our bodies. Ruined eardrums are no good for a musician, and sexual brokenness is no good for a person. 

The Beethoven analogy highlights a critically important point. When it comes to chastity, it is important that we get practical. Athletes and musicians need to practice, and the same is true for chastity. Repetition breeds virtue. As fallen human beings, we have a natural tendency to lust, and we need teammates and coaches to help us become more virtuous. Don’t pursue this virtue alone! Make use of the sacraments, spiritual mentors and your brothers and sisters in Christ. We all need support and accountability. 

Chastity and Brotherhood

Analogies aside, there is a foundational truth about sexuality that every man must confront: a sexually undisciplined man is ultimately incompatible with the family. The family depends upon fidelity, self-mastery, sacrifice, and trust. Lust trains a man in precisely the opposite virtues. It teaches him to consume rather than cherish, to take rather than to give, to seek gratification rather than to embrace responsibility. Chastity is not merely about avoiding certain behaviors; it is about becoming the kind of man upon whom a wife and children can safely build their lives.

The stakes could not be higher. To the extent that we grow in chastity, we become more capable of loving our wives well. A wife who feels secure in her husband’s love is freer to flourish as a woman, more confident in her motherhood, and more able to pour herself out for her family. Chaste men build strong marriages. Strong marriages build strong families. Strong families build strong cultures. Unchaste men, by contrast, often build houses of cards—structures that may appear stable for a time but eventually collapse, leaving wounded spouses, wounded children, and wounded communities in their wake.

Most men are deeply tempted by the promise of sexual gratification. Perhaps you are one of them. The question is not whether the temptation exists; the question is what you want more. Do you want a life organized around your appetites, or do you want a wife, children, and the deep joys of a flourishing family? In the end, every man must choose. The hard truth is that you do not get both. The path of unrestrained sexual gratification and the path of lasting familial flourishing eventually diverge. One leads to isolation disguised as freedom. The other leads to self-gift, sacrifice, and love—and ultimately to the family for which most men were made.

What we have articulated in this article is a very high vision of chastity. It is a vision that calls men not merely to avoid obvious sins, but to become deeply ordered men whose thoughts, desires, actions, and relationships increasingly reflect the image and likeness of God. Chastity, rightly understood, is not simply the absence of lust. It is the integration of masculine strength, self-mastery, sacrificial love, and clarity of vision. It is a way of being.

This is the calling placed before every man. And yet, if we are honest, it is also a vision before which every man falls short to some degree. The road of chastity is steep. There are failures, relapses, compromises, and moments of discouragement. The point, however, is not perfection overnight. The point is to never stop pursuing the vision. Never lower the standard. Never surrender to the lie that growth is impossible. A man becomes holy not merely by never falling, but by repeatedly getting back up and continuing the climb.

This is precisely why brotherhood matters. The failure rate is simply too high for men to attempt this journey alone. Isolation breeds discouragement, secrecy, and eventually surrender. Men need other men who can remind them of the vision when they forget it, challenge them when they compromise, and help lift them back to their feet when they fall. At Forge, this is what we seek to build: a brotherhood of men who together pursue authentic masculinity and chastity—not perfectly, but seriously, courageously, and together.

In that understanding of chastity, please ask yourself a question. What is your next step in becoming a more chaste man? Perhaps you are struggling with pornography, so maybe your next step is to start an accountability relationship with a brother, get involved with a Forge purity group, etc.? Maybe you are free from obvious sexual sins, but maybe you lack confidence as a man. What is your concrete next step to gain confidence? 

Coaching Questions

1. The article argues that masculinity is meant to reflect the image and likeness of God, especially God as Father and Bridegroom. In practical terms, what does it look like for a man to “bear the image of God” in the way he treats women, friends, children, and other men?
2. The article repeatedly contrasts “counterfeit sexuality” with authentic sexuality. Where do you most clearly see counterfeit sexuality shaping modern men today? How have you personally seen it affect your own thinking, habits, or relationships?
3. John Paul II’s idea that lust “reduces” a person is central to the article. Why do you think lust is so spiritually destructive for men? How does lust distort not only the way a man sees others, but also the way he sees himself
4. The article claims that “the most masculine man is the chaste man.” Do you think modern culture would agree or disagree with that statement? Why? What false ideas about masculinity make chastity difficult for men to pursue?
5. The athlete and Beethoven analogies both emphasize discipline, training, and practice. What are some concrete practices, habits, or disciplines that have actually helped you grow in chastity, self-mastery, and integrity as a man?
6. The final section argues that brotherhood is essential because the “failure rate is so high.” Why do isolation and secrecy make men weaker? What does real brotherhood and accountability actually look like in practice within a Forge group? Can the Forge group that you lead talk about these topics?
7. For you personally, what is your next step for growth in chastity?