Modern Loneliness

In 2023, the U.S. Surgeon General issued a landmark advisory identifying loneliness and social isolation as a national public health crisis. The report estimates that nearly half of American adults experience measurable levels of loneliness, a condition now recognized as having serious health consequences. According to the report, chronic loneliness increases the risk of premature death at rates comparable to smoking up to fifteen cigarettes per day and is associated with higher incidences of heart disease, stroke, dementia, depression, and anxiety.[1] The Advisory frames social disconnection not as a soft or secondary concern, but as a foundational threat to human flourishing.

Crucially, the Surgeon General distinguishes between physical proximity to others and the presence of authentic, meaningful relationships. Loneliness is defined not simply by being alone, but by the painful gap between the relationships people desire and those they actually experience.[2] Many individuals regularly interact with coworkers, neighbors, or even fellow churchgoers, yet lack friendships marked by vulnerability, trust, accountability, and mutual support. The erosion of these deeper bonds has accelerated in recent decades, contributing to a quiet but devastating collapse of genuine friendship.

The Advisory repeatedly emphasizes that social connection must be cultivated intentionally through consistent, relational structures.[3] Consequently, small, committed communities such as Forge small groups are not optional add‑ons but a necessary response to a cultural and spiritual emergency. By creating spaces where men are known, challenged, and supported in authentic brotherhood, such groups directly address the root conditions identified by the Surgeon General and offer a concrete path toward renewed personal and communal health.

Notably, the rise of loneliness and social fragmentation did not emerge overnight, nor has it gone unnoticed. More than two decades ago, Harvard political scientist Robert D. Putnam famously diagnosed this trend in his landmark work Bowling Alone, documenting the steady collapse of civic participation, neighborhood life, and intergenerational bonds in American society. Putnam showed that Americans were increasingly disengaging from churches, fraternal organizations, clubs, and even informal social gatherings — not because they lacked interest in community, but because the habits and structures that sustained it had quietly eroded.[4] The Surgeon General’s recent advisory can thus be read not as a new, flash-in-the-pan alarm, but as the public-health confirmation of a long-brewing cultural reality: today’s men and women are chronically lonely.

Christianity and Intentional Friendship

This article began with sociological facts to impress upon you, as a new Forge small group lead, that loneliness in today’s world is real. This is not a claim we make casually or rhetorically. It is grounded in serious research and names a critical threat to human happiness in our time. People are increasingly isolated, even when they appear socially connected. Yet Forge’s commitment to building intentional communities of men is not motivated by sociological concern alone. Such communities matter not only at the natural level, but—more importantly—at the supernatural level.

From the very beginning, the Christian life was never conceived as a solitary pursuit. The first disciples understood that fidelity to Christ required a shared way of life, not merely shared beliefs. After Pentecost, St. Luke describes the rhythm of the early Christian community in strikingly concrete terms: “They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and fellowship, to the breaking of the bread and the prayers” (Acts 2:42).

That scripture passage, Acts 2:42, is critical to Forge’s vision and mission. Think about it. The book of Acts is the book of the Bible which immediately follows the four gospels. It is the story of the founding of the first Christian communities. It thus serves as a guiding star for all Christian communities who follow throughout history. Acts 2:42 provides a summary statement for what those communities looked like. And it is clear from the verse that the early Christians were very intentional about their relationships with one another. They “devoted themselves to…fellowship”. They did not just passively drift in their relationships. They intentionally cultivated relationships with one another.[5]

These four practices mentioned in Acts 2:42—prayer, fellowship, the breaking of the bread (the sacraments), and the teaching of the Apostles—constituted the ordinary means by which the early Christians encountered the living Christ. Through them, Jesus through His Church continued to teach, sanctify, and strengthen His people. None of these practices were meant to be lived in isolation. Fellowship was not incidental but essential; it was the relational context that allowed the other practices to take root and bear fruit. As St. John Chrysostom observed, “Nothing so welds our life together as the love of friends,” noting that spiritual progress is strengthened when believers “share their struggles and their encouragements with one another.”

For anyone who seeks either to grow in virtue personally or to help others grow in virtue, friendship is essential. The same is true of evangelization. After Saint Paul brought the Gospel to the Thessalonians, he later wrote back to them, saying, “With such affection for you, we were determined to share with you not only the gospel of God, but our very selves as well, so dearly beloved had you become to us.” (1 Thessalonians 2:8). This single line reveals something profound: Saint Paul evangelized within the context of real relationships. He did not merely transmit information; he shared his life. And frankly, evangelization detached from relationship is unlikely to bear much fruit. Consider what evangelization asks of a person: the reception of truth that reorients one’s entire life. Such truth is rarely received—much less trusted—without the relational and emotional grounding that authentic friendship provides.

This insight is especially urgent for men today. Saintly men are not formed through private resolve alone, but through shared responsibility and mutual exhortation. Men grow when they commit themselves to other men who will pray with them, speak truth to them, and refuse to let them drift into isolation or mediocrity. Intentional friendship creates the conditions for self-knowledge, accountability, perseverance, courage, and quite simply virtue in general! Just as in the early Church, such bonds enable men to receive grace more fully and to live the Christian life with a steadiness and strength that few can sustain on their own.

Three Kinds of Friendship

From the very beginning of the Church, fellowship was understood as one of the four foundational practices of the Christian life (Acts 2:42). This same habit must be recovered in our own time, and given the isolated nature of our world today, there is a particular need for intentionality in friendship. But if men are to grow intentionally in friendship, the first step is clarity: we must know what kind of friends we are seeking, and just as importantly, what kind of friends we are called to be.

Most men accumulate relationships without much reflection. We work alongside people, share hobbies, attend the same parish, or spend time together in social settings—but rarely stop to ask whether these friendships are ordered toward what is truly good for us. Do we have friends who are committed to our thriving as a disciple of Jesus Christ? Friends who will challenge us when we drift, speak honestly when we rationalize, and encourage us to pursue virtue when it costs something? Do we have friends who will encourage us to live virtuously in accord with the fulness of what the Catholic Church teaches?

To help us think clearly about friendship, the ancient Greek philosopher Aristotle distinguished between three kinds of friendships. None of them are bad. But they are not equal—and only one can sustain a man over the long haul of life and discipleship. We offer these three kinds of friendship as a lens through which you can understand the relationships of your life. The reality is that many of your relationships will have an element of several kinds of friendship. We offer the language here as a tool to up your game (or increase your intentionality) in your friendships!

Friendship of Utility

The first type is friendship of utility; a relationship grounded primarily in usefulness or advantage. Many everyday relationships fall into this category: business partnerships, coworkers, classmates, teammates, or familiar faces at places we frequent. These friendships are often cordial and even warm. They may involve genuine conversation and mutual respect. But they are fundamentally transactional—each person remains in the relationship because it provides some benefit.

These friendships are common and necessary, but they are also limited. When the benefit disappears—when the job changes, the project ends, or life circumstances shift—the friendship often fades with it. There is nothing wrong with this kind of relationship, but it cannot bear much weight when life becomes difficult or when moral clarity and personal sacrifice are required.

Friendship of Pleasure

The second type is friendship of pleasure, formed around shared enjoyment. These friendships are built on common interests: sports, hobbies, entertainment, social scenes, or simply having fun together. Many men’s friendships never move beyond this level. They are easy, enjoyable, and often formed quickly.

Yet Aristotle observed that friendships of pleasure are fragile. They last only as long as the enjoyment lasts. When schedules change, interests diverge, or suffering enters the picture, these friendships frequently dissolve. Again, this does not make them bad—but it does mean they are insufficient for sustaining a man through adversity, temptation, or spiritual growth.

Virtuous Friendship

The third kind of friendship, Aristotle taught, is friendship in the fullest sense—what he called virtuous friendship. This is a relationship grounded not in benefit or enjoyment, but in a shared commitment to the good. In a virtuous friendship, a man is loved not for what he provides or how entertaining he is, but for who he is—and for who he is becoming.

For Artistotle, the foundation of a virtuous friendship between two people is the pursuit of a common goal. Of course, for the Christian, the goal is sainthood, heaven – eternal relationship with Christ. For the Christian, the fellowship talked about in Acts 2:42 is a community of people who are intentionally seeking sanctity together.

For Christians, virtuous friendship is elevated and perfected in Christ. A true brother seeks what is best for you in the deepest sense: that you live a virtuous life, grow in holiness, and persevere toward eternal life. This kind of friendship requires intentionality. It cannot exist without presence, honesty, and shared pursuit of virtue. It is not formed through casual interaction or digital connection, but through real commitment and real sacrifice.

Virtuous friendships do not require perfection, but they do require direction. Both men must be striving—however imperfectly—to live as disciples of Jesus Christ. When that is the case, friendship becomes a means of grace. Brothers help one another pray more faithfully, live more courageously, and resist the slow drift toward isolation and complacency. This is the kind of friendship the early Christians lived—and it is the kind of friendship Forge exists to foster.

Forge Small Groups: A Concrete Response

If virtuous friendship does not happen by accident, then it must be cultivated intentionally. This is precisely where Forge small groups enter the picture.

The Forge small group context is explicitly designed to create small communities of virtuous friendships. The task of a Forge small group lead, then, is to take ownership and encourage the community that he leads into deeper relationship, and a kind of relationship that surpasses utility and/or pleasure into real virtue.

Forge groups provide a stable, relational framework where men gather regularly for prayer, formation, honest conversation, and mutual encouragement. Over time, this consistency allows trust to form, vulnerability to emerge, and community to develop. This is the soil in which authentic brotherhood grows.

Forge groups create a space where men do not merely talk about these struggles in the abstract but confront the deeply personal threats of contemporary culture: isolation, sexual impurity, addiction, marital strain, doubt, and disorder in the interior life. These battles cannot be fought alone, and they are rarely won without brothers who know you well enough to challenge you and stand with you.

The ultimate aim of every Forge group is to form TAO men—men who are Thriving, Apostolic, and Orthodox, and thus actively seek to bring their friends, families, and communities into the fullness of truth found in the Catholic Church. But this is not where many men in Forge groups begin. Many Forge groups begin with Find men: men who are searching for friendship, longing for brotherhood, and quietly seeking God, even if they do not yet have the language or confidence to name it. This is not a weakness; it is the mission field. A wise small group lead meets men where they are, accompanies them patiently, and helps them take the next faithful step forward. This process will not be quick, and it will also be somewhat of a winding road, but this is your task as a small group lead. Over time, through intentional friendship, men who were once merely asking questions and looking for brotherhood (“Find” men) can stand shoulder-to-shoulder alongside you to build up Christ’s Church.

Action Items:

1. Read Acts 2:42 and 1 Thessalonians 2:8. What do these scripture passages mean to you? Do you see the importance that they have for evangelization?
2. Where are you today? Do you have any virtuous friendships? Is there a man or men in your life that truly helps you be a better disciple of Jesus Christ?
   
   1. If so, be intentional about spending time with that person regularly. Resolve to invest in that friendship on a regular basis. A small group of good, virtuous friends is an invaluable gift. Invest in virtuous friendships. 
   2. If you do not have any virtuous friends, pray that God will lead you to a man or men that will become a virtuous friend/friends for you. Take some time to brainstorm men who you might invest in (other men in your group, from Church, etc.) Meanwhile, lean more on your Forge Coach and discuss this desire with him. Ask him to pray with you on this goal and regularly discuss with you how it is developing.
3. Consider the men in your Forge small group. How can you take one more step in being a virtuous friend to each of them? Recognize that you may have men at various points along the discipleship journey and you likely cannot take a “one size fits all approach.” Pray that God will give you both discernment and grace to identify and take that one next step.
   
   1. Note: Friendships often work up the hierarchy; that is, they begin in pleasure and/or utility, then become virtuous. So, if you are starting cold with a lot of guys in your group, you might begin building relationships with them through fun activities (drinking, shooting, entertainment, etc). After the friendships grow, you can invite men deeper and deeper into your own life.
4. Friendships change over time. At least once a year, it’s worth pausing to take stock: Where do my friendships stand right now? Which relationships deserve deeper investment in the coming season—and which may require less time or a different posture?