Faithful Catholic grandparents care deeply about passing down their faith to their family. But our post-Christian world seeks to destroy their grandchildren’s faith in God. This leaves grandparents confused about just exactly what role, if any, they should play in the spiritual lives of their grandchildren.

In reality, most grandparents are simply unaware of just how deep these cultural changes have been, and how they cut into the passing down of a legacy of faith to future generations. Bishop Robert Barron once commented that this exodus “might just be the most significant issue facing the Church today.” 

Over the past sixty years, we have undergone a profound shift in our spiritual culture. The Christian narrative that drove Western Civilization for over 1,400 years has changed. Yet, most families continue to implement strategies that have simply become less effective in light of the changing culture.

In fact, it just might be that grandparents represent one of the most important antidotes to this continued problem.

There are four aspects of ‘seeing’ the situation differently that represent a paradigm shift in our efforts to address the importance of passing down our Catholic faith to future generations.

WAKE UP

In our interactions with grandparents from all over the nation, we have found that there are two primary cultural paradigm shifts that need to occur in the minds of intentional Catholic grandparents. The first is a clear understanding that the world has drastically changed regarding faith transference since most of them were young. That lack of awareness is sometimes hard to see if their younger children are receiving the sacraments and they see all those young faces in their finest to receive their first holy communion and confirmation. But the truth is that around the time most of our grandchildren are receiving these sacraments, the secular world has already begun a full-out assault on their faith in Christ and His Church.

Research firms have found that initial opinions begin to be formed around 10 years old and that by the time a child is thirteen, they have frequently had their faith become a secondary importance, at best. But by the time they reach eighteen, over 50% will have functionally abandoned their faith. By the age of twenty-three, nearly 85% have left.

Becoming aware of those forces and milestones is critical to grandparents who desire to fight that trend and to become more intentional in their efforts.

The second great shift is in grasping the fact that grandparenting is not the time to step back, retreat, or become indifferent about passing down the faith to their grandchildren. Many baby boomers see their retirement years as a time to indulge in personal passions. A secular mindset of the role grandparents play in the lives of their grandkids promotes a relatively disengaged, its-our-time, self-indulgent lifestyle that reduces grandparents to occasional playmates at best.

Adults over 50 years old (the average age an adult becomes a grandparent) are the largest demographic in the church. Yet, there is virtually no education or equipping of this group in helping to keep their grandkids faithful through their challenging years. Without such support for grandparents, over 50% are simply disengaged from these young Catholics, except for the occasional phone call or birthday card.

Every research study on the loss of Catholic youth over the past decade has shown that we are losing up to 85% of our young between the ages of 13 and 23. This is what I call the ‘deadly decade.’ Most parents and grandparents are unaware of this statistic and simply find it hard to believe. It is hard for most of us to deal with the idea that about the time many young Catholics are being confirmed in the faith, they are mentally already beginning to question the value of that commitment to Christ and the Church. That lack of awareness leads to complacency that can actually accelerate their departure. That must change.

WISE UP

In response to these spiritual shifts, grandparents must begin to wise up about WHY they are so critical to the spiritual lives of their grandchildren. Here are just a few of those reasons:

-Grandparents have a unique relationship with their grandchildren that is very different from the child/parent relationship.

-Grandparents are second only to parents in the influence they have over younger generations.

-Both the Church and Scripture encourage the role of grandparents and multigenerational spiritual influence both explicitly and implicitly.

-Grandparents can frequently have more influence than even parents in the spiritual lives of grandchildren.   

Now that we understand WHY grandparents are so essential, we turn to HOW grandparents can exercise that spiritual influence effectively and step up to their responsibility.

STAND UP

A crucial paradigm shift for grandparents is adopting the idea of spiritual leadership, not control but influence. When we speak of building and leaving a spiritual legacy, it is important to understand the nature of legacy. Authentic legacy leadership is inevitable, multigenerational, trustworthy, collaborative, and intentional. The key here is that leaders don’t create followers—they create new leaders.

STEP UP

Ultimately, passing on your faith to your grandchildren involves having a plan, a strategy, and action steps to implement. The Benedictine motto of Ora et Labora comes to mind.  Grandparents are called to prayer (Ora) and action (Labora).  Here then are my seven strategies for implementing a Legacy of Faith.

#1: Prayer

Prayer is the heart of Catholicism. It is the intimate relationship between God and mankind. As a grandparent, we are called to pray FOR, WITH, and OVER our grandchildren. Most grandparents I know pray for their grandchildren. This type of intercessory prayer is frequently a quick Hail Mary or other formulated prayer that most grandparents have learned. And those prayers are wonderful. I would suggest however that intercessory prayer might also benefit from a much more intentional component, namely, a specific request.

Secondly, praying WITH our grandchildren allows them to feel in solidarity with us spiritually. They can receive a sense of unity with us (and by extension, the whole family or body of Christ) when we pray with them. This is a great time to use the more formulated prayers they have learned such as the Our Father, or even a ‘system’ of prayer such as the Rosary, the Angelus, or saying grace before meals. I also recommend that in some cases allowing your grandchild to lead prayer reinforces a sense of leadership with others and can make many of them feel prayer is something they can do without being led by an adult.

Finally, the idea of praying OVER your grandchild is the act of asking God to bless your grandchild. This is, of course, not the same thing as a sacramental blessing given by a Bishop, Priest, or Deacon, whose blessing actualized the effect on the child. Rather, this lay prayer is in a certain manner acting vicariously for Our Lord. Blessings, in some ways, are a form of intercessory prayer that ideally reinforces a virtue they have exemplified in their lives.  

#2: Formation                                      

Formation is the act of intentionally teaching something of spiritual importance. In the book of Deuteronomy, we find that Moses instructs the Israelites to ‘teach your children and your children’s children.” In other words, your grandchildren. The specific kinds of formation you might help with include catechetical, apologetic, historical, and moral truths. In addition, it means teaching your grandchildren about both your personal and family’s values, mission, and lessons learned from living a Catholic life.

#3: Communication  

Many grandparents find it somewhat intimidating to start conversations with their grandchildren about spiritual matters. Most of this is due to many Catholics having been raised thinking of their faith as a private matter, a relationship between themselves and God.

We have found that many of our event attendees cling fiercely to the alleged quote of St. Francis of Assisi: “Evangelize always, and if necessary, use words.” Unfortunately, there is no actual proof that St. Francis said these words. For many, this results in their failure to speak all the while insisting that how they live their life is sufficient.

#4: Integrated Catholic Life Witness

While we caution grandparents not to avoid speaking to their grandchildren about the faith, there is no question that how one lives is a powerful and clarifying witness to faith. Active participation in the faith has its primary strength in that it ‘proves’ that such a life can, in reality, be lived out. In other words, it is not simply a desire or intent, but an actual and incarnational reality in the lives of grandparents.

#5: Activities

When we speak of the importance of activities, we are speaking about participating, initiating, and supporting nonreligious events, milestones, celebrations, family traditions, etc. that reinforce the development of virtuous living. Your commitment to the importance of building character into the lives of your grandchildren is reinforced through your recognition of being increasingly conformed to the character of Jesus. For many families, this includes participation in works of mercy.

#6: Giftings

Our entire culture is awash in an increasingly entitlement mindset. To inculcate in the young a sense of generosity not only in monetary ways but in being magnanimous in our time and talents is critical. In a time of hyper-individualism, the need for young Catholics to develop a sense of respect and solidarity with the poor, and value for the most vulnerable among us leads to a much richer sense of being.

Accordingly, grandparents might also consider their legacy giftings as reinforcement of these teachings of the church. We would be wise to carefully determine not only the impact of our financial legacy but also how material objects such as our bibles, crucifixes, rosaries, and other sacramentals might be handed down as physical reminders of the importance faith has played in our lives.

#7: Suffering

This strategy is perhaps the most surprising to those at our workshops. As we age, most of us become ever more aware of our own mortality. In fact, many of our greatest saints recommended we consider our mortality each day to keep in mind our true destiny of heaven. But as we live through the near-inevitable sufferings of aging, we should strive to not let our lives be wasted. As St. Paul said in Colossians, “I make up in my own body what was lacking in the sufferings of Christ.” Of course, Jesus suffering lacked nothing for our reconciliation with the Father, but it did lack our participation in that suffering.

Likewise, many suffer from emotional and spiritual wounds as well. The loss of a spouse, a child, etc. is true suffering. Also, there is the spiritual suffering most families endure when a family member abandons the faith. These are all real and substantial types of suffering. Only when we join our suffering with that of Christ on the cross does such suffering have meaning and a purpose.

Finally, the idea of suffering also includes sacrifice. The intentional mortification of our passions through ‘fasting’ of all types is a foundational component of our faith. Therefore, the combining of sacrificial suffering and prayer is most effective when offered for others—especially our grandchildren.