At Forge, we exist to form men who are TAO—Thriving, Apostolic, and Orthodox. Our mission is simple: we want to walk with men toward sainthood in the fullness of what Christ has revealed through his bride, the Catholic Church.

To intentionally walk with another man toward sainthood is, at its core, to disciple him. That is what discipleship is—not a program, not a curriculum, but an intentional relationship ordered toward holiness. And our small groups are meant to be precisely that: communities of disciples striving together toward Christ. Your task as a leader of a Forge small group is to cultivate such a community.

But it is important to clarify something at the outset. As a small group lead, you are not responsible for personally discipling every man in your group. You likely do not have the time, the emotional bandwidth, or the proximity to do so. And that is not a failure. It is normal. In fact, you might even say it is biblical.

If we look to Christ himself, we see a pattern. He preached to the crowds. He sent out the seventy-two. He formed the Twelve. But even among the Twelve, he spent particular time with Peter, James, and John. Not every relationship carried the same depth of investment. Not every man received the same measure of proximity. Christ cultivated a large community whose members were encouraging one another towards holiness. In that sense, he was a facilitator of a brotherhood, but his relationships varied widely amongst the members of that brotherhood.

As a Forge Small Group leader, your relationships with the men in your group will naturally vary. You may spend more time with some members than others. At times, you may recognize that a particular man is going through a powerful season of conversion and decide to increase your investment in him. In other cases, you may notice leadership potential in someone who could one day take over your group or start another, prompting you to mentor him more intentionally. Sometimes you may simply find that you have a natural affinity with certain members. Whatever the case, your investment in the individual men of your group should resemble Jesus’ investment in his disciples: personal, attentive, and responsive to each man’s particular needs and potential.

This is where a second word becomes helpful: accompaniment.

You might think of accompaniment as a broader term, in a kind of genus-and-species relationship with discipleship. To accompany is to walk with. It is to be present, attentive, and to usher something into being. It is to recognize where grace is already at work and lean into it. Your role as a leader of a Forge group is to facilitate the formation of a community of men who are seeking to be disciples. In that sense, while you are not called to intensively disciple every man in your group, you are called to accompany a community of men into being.  

As a Forge small group lead, you are responsible for building a community of men who are collectively walking toward sainthood. Some of your men might not use that language. In fact, your “find” men may not be able to articulate anything like that vision. Nevertheless, that is your job. Within your small group community, you may disciple a few men more directly and intensely. That will happen naturally. Some men will lean in. Some will ask for more. Some will show particular readiness. Follow that. Invest there. But do not confuse that deeper investment with your responsibility toward every man in the room.

Your responsibility is broader and, in many ways, more demanding: you are called to cultivate a culture of discipleship. A brotherhood of men who are seeking to imitate Christ. Where sin is named and fought. Where prayer is normal. Where men speak honestly. Where the Church’s teaching is loved. Where apostolic fruit is desired. You are not merely running meetings; you are shaping an environment and nurturing a community into being. That community might begin in a manner similar to Christ’s first community of disciples. When Christ first met his earliest disciples, they had a long way to go. Like Christ, you are called to create a community of men who might someday be sent out to change the world. 

By the time you reach this article, you’ve likely led numerous small group meetings. You’ve seen the awkward starts, the strong conversations, the missed weeks, the breakthroughs. You may have had a man or two drop off and some join up. You’re no longer just learning theory—you have real experience under your belt.

This article is meant to build on that experience. It is meant to set a vision and offer some concrete practical advice for men looking to cultivate a community of discipleship. The goal is not simply to run better meetings, but to become more holy in the process of creating a thriving community of disciples—men who are learning, together, how to become saints.

Saint Paul and Discipleship

Many Christians remember the pre-conversion Paul, who “persecuted the Church of God violently and tried to destroy it” (Gal 1:13). They remember the blinding light on the road to Damascus, the fearless missionary journeys, the letters that now form much of the New Testament. But Scripture reveals another side of Paul—quieter, slower, less dramatic, and just as decisive for the future of the Church: his intentional investment in men.

Paul’s companion on much of his missionary journey was a young Christian named Timothy. When Paul arrived in the town of Lystra, he heard of Timothy’s good reputation. Before long, Timothy left everything to join Paul in mission. And Paul did not simply travel with him—he formed him.

Paul sent Timothy into difficult situations. He entrusted him with real responsibility. He corrected him, encouraged him, and challenged him: “Let no one despise your youth, but set the believers an example…” (1 Tim 4:12). After assignments, Timothy returned for further guidance. Over fifteen years, Paul shaped not only Timothy’s theology but his character and leadership style.

Near the end of his life, Paul summoned Timothy once more. His words are filled with affection—“I long day and night to see you” (2 Tim 1:4)—but also with clarity and a sense of the challenge the future brought. The torch was being passed. “What you have heard from me… entrust to faithful men who will be able to teach others also” (2 Tim 2:2). The ripple effect had begun.

Paul understood something essential: evangelization that does not become discipleship fades. Discipleship that does not raise up leaders dies. Paul understood that in this life, on this side of heaven, he had a finite amount of time to teach others about Christ, then those men must carry on the torch of bringing the gospel to the next generation. That is good evangelization, good discipleship, discipleship that builds the Church in a lasting way that expands across generations. That is exactly the kind of thing that we want to do in Forge. 

Saint Paul was in many respects the greatest evangelist that ever lived. His style of evangelization involved a curious blend of large group gatherings, fiery sermons AND consistent interpersonal investment. At Forge, when we blend large catalytic experiences like Forge Nights and Conferences with Small groups, we are essentially trying to imitate the style of the great evangelist, Saint Paul. That is why we do mission in the way that we do. Just like Saint Paul, we live in apostolic times, so we evangelize as he evangelized. We form men as he formed men. 

But this observation about Saint Paul raised another question. Why did Saint Paul operate as he operated? Where did his style come from? 

In response to this question I would like to draw your attention to 1 Corinthians 11:1 where Saint Paul instructs those who follow him, “Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ.” 

Discipleship is imitation. Why did Saint Paul evangelize in the way that he evangelized? He did so out of a desire to imitate Christ. The way that Saint Paul led his life, the way that he spread Christ’s message was remarkably similar to the way that Christ spread his own message. 

This brings us to a deeper question for you: Why lead a Forge small group? Yes, to spread the Gospel. Yes, to form other men. Yes, to raise leaders. But ultimately—because you want to know Christ more intimately.

Christ Himself led a small community of men. For three years He walked with them through confusion, rivalry, misunderstanding, breakthroughs, betrayals, and victories. It was not glamorous. It was patient. It was relational. It was costly. And through it, He revealed His heart.

When you lead men, you begin to feel something of what Christ felt. The joy when a man breaks through. The frustration when he resists grace. The ache when someone walks away or flakes out on a group meeting. Imitating Christ in this way is not performance—it is participation. And participation leads to deeper knowledge of the Savior’s love.

In the first lead article we spoke about Divine Intimacy, about prayer. The ultimate point of prayer is to come into union with God through his son Jesus Christ. To lead a small group is, in a very real sense, to step into Christ’s pattern of life. And if you desire union with Him—if you want to know His heart from the inside—there are few paths more direct than walking patiently with a small band of men toward sainthood. Leading a small group is a way to cultivate divine intimacy. 

Leading Like Saint Paul

How do you begin investing in others the way Paul invested in Timothy? And beyond very intentional relationships like Paul and Timothy’s relationships, how do you accompany a community of men imitating Christ? How do you prepare men to grow in relationship with Christ and to be sent on mission?

Well, to begin. Paul did not form Timothy through a program alone. Christ did not form the 3, the 12, or the 72 in a merely programmatic fashion. They formed him through proximity. Through shared life. They traveled together. They prayed together. They endured long roads, difficult cities, persecution, hunger, fatigue, and moments of deep joy. Paul loved Timothy not merely as a co-worker but as a son in the faith. As we saw in Lead Article #3, Paul shared with him “not only the gospel of God but [his] very self” (cf. 1 Thess 2:8).

Small group leadership cannot be reduced to a weekly meeting. Share meals. Pray together outside the scheduled hour. Visit the Blessed Sacrament. Attend one another’s events. Enter into real life. Men are not projects. They are souls. And the reality about the most effective small groups is that the relationships within that small group extend outside the meetings. 

It can be surprisingly difficult to define the kind of relationships that we are pursuing within the context of a Forge group. Discipleship and accompaniment are not easily reduced to a formulaic approach. Because they are ordered toward something transcendent—union with Christ—they do not fit neatly into any familiar earthly category. Though they may not be as time consuming, these relationships are more than friendship, more than mentorship, more than accountability, more even than instruction. They involve all of those elements, yet surpasses them. 

Discipleship and accompaniment can be misunderstood. Before we go further, it will be helpful to clarify a few common misconceptions to avoid as you lead the men entrusted to your care:

• Buddy: Don’t let the relationships drift into mere friendship without direction. Brotherhood is essential — but it must be ordered toward mission. Good conversations should eventually turn toward growth, conversion, and next steps. Don’t let your small group become a mere group of buddies who happen to be Christian.

• Counselor: You are not a therapist or spiritual director. When deeper wounds surface, help the man seek proper guidance from a priest, counselor, or trained spiritual director. Your role is accompaniment, not clinical care. Therapists, when they do therapy rightly, are performing a deeply Christian service, but Forge small group meetings should not be reduced to group therapy. 

• Boss: Small group leadership is not management. If your leadership becomes a checklist of goals and accountability metrics, something is off. You are not the CEO of someone else’s sanctity. Christ is Lord of the mission. Your role is accompaniment — one who encourages, challenges, listens, and walks alongside.

There is a scene in 1 Samuel 14 that offers a helpful image. Jonathan, the son of Saul, climbs the rocky pass toward the Philistine garrison with his armor-bearer at his side. The armor-bearer does not replace Jonathan. He does not fight Jonathan’s battle for him. The sword is in Jonathan’s hand. The responsibility is his. But the armor-bearer is there—steady, loyal, present—strengthening Jonathan’s courage and freeing him to focus on the fight. I love the line that the armor bearer utters to Jonathan before Jonathan goes to battle:  “Do whatever you think best; I am with you in whatever you decide.” (1 Samuel 14:7). That is accompaniment.

As a Forge small group lead, you are meant to carry the shield, not the load. You are a brother at arms. The men in your group must fight their own battles—against sin, against passivity, against isolation. You cannot repent for them. You cannot pray in their place. You cannot live chastity, discipline, or courage on their behalf. Nor should you try. What you can do is stand with them. You can pray for them, fast for them, challenge them, encourage them, and remind them of the promises of God. You empower them to fight in God’s strength, not their own.

This is also what it means to be a servant-leader. You serve the men in your group not by absorbing their responsibilities, but by strengthening their agency. Accompaniment is not parenting. You are not called to manage every spiritual crisis, solve every marriage issue, or carry every emotional burden. You do not have the time for that. And more importantly, it would not be healthy. If you attempt to carry loads that God has not given you, you may exhaust yourself—and unintentionally cripple the very men you are trying to help.

Strong men are forged when they learn to fight. Your presence gives them courage. Your prayers call down grace. Your leadership creates clarity. But their cross is still theirs. Carry the shield. Stand in the fray. Be faithful and steady. And trust that the Holy Spirit is far more committed to their sanctity than you are.

And again, remember, underneath all of this lies a deeper truth. You lead not only to multiply Christians — but to be conformed to Christ yourself. That’s the point of all this. Ultimately, even the Lord of the universe had to surrender the impact of his own efforts to the free will of those he encountered. Your job is to imitate Christ yourself! 

Christ Himself gathered twelve men and walked with them for years. He endured their misunderstandings, their arguments, their slowness of heart. He celebrated their growth. He felt the ache of betrayal. He rejoiced when they believed. His discipleship was patient, relational, and profoundly human.

When you lead men, you begin to taste something of what Christ experienced. And in that participation, you come to know Him more intimately. Imitating Christ is ordered toward union with Christ. We do not study Him from a distance; we step into His pattern of life. Leading a small group is not simply an apostolic strategy — it is a path of sanctification.

The Peter Fallacy

The hope for every Forge small group is bold: that, over time, each man becomes maximally TAO—Thriving, Apostolic, and Orthodox. That the men who were once being “Found” grow into men being “Formed,” and eventually become “Fight” men—evangelizing, multiplying, entrusting the mission to others.

That’s the vision.

But somewhere along the way, something subtle can creep in. As your men grow—perhaps even from the very beginning—you may begin to feel a quiet insecurity. You fall into a sin and think, Who am I to lead this? You notice that one of the men in your group is more disciplined, more prayerful, maybe even more virtuous than you. And you wonder whether you’re disqualified.

We call this The Peter Fallacy. 

In Matthew 16, Christ chooses Peter to lead the Church: “You are Peter, and on this rock I will build my Church.” (Matthew 16:18). And yet, there is good reason to believe Peter was not the holiest of the Apostles. John is called “the beloved disciple.” John remained at the foot of the Cross. Peter, by contrast, stepped onto the water—and then doubted. He rebuked Christ and was himself rebuked. He drew his sword rashly. Most painfully, he denied Christ three times.Peter was bold. Generous. Impulsive. Frequently ahead of himself. And deeply flawed. Christ chose Peter anyway.

And it wasn’t only Saint Peter! Saint Paul learned this lesson the hard way. In 2 Corinthians 12:9–11, after pleading with the Lord to remove the “thorn” of sin from his side, he hears Christ respond: “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Paul’s conclusion is astonishing. Rather than hiding his weakness, he boasts in it. Rather than resenting hardship, in a certain sense he delights in it—because weakness becomes the stage upon which Christ’s power is displayed. “When I am weak, then I am strong.” Leadership in the Kingdom operates by this paradox. Your inadequacies do not disqualify you; they give you a more authentic witness. If you insist on appearing strong, you will rely on yourself. If you allow yourself to be weak before God, Christ’s power can rest upon you—and that is the only strength that will truly build your small group.

It might be cliché to say, but now that you have been leading a small group for some time it is important for you to remember: Leadership in the Kingdom has never required sinlessness. It requires willingness. And in your case several months into leading a group, please remember that it also requires persistence. Only weeds grow quickly. If you want to build an incredible small group of TAO men, it is going to take some time. 

Peter’s leadership was marked by humiliation and restoration. Yours will be too. The fallacy is this: believing that you must be the most virtuous man in the room in order to lead it.

You do not lead because you are the most advanced. You lead because Christ has entrusted men to you. You lead not from perfection, but from fidelity. Not because you never fall. In fact, part of what forms your men most deeply is watching you repent, persevere, and continue forward.

Peter was not chosen because he was flawless. He was chosen because he would be faithful. We have confidence that you will too.

Flipping the Fallacy

There is a way to turn the Peter Fallacy on its head. Remember that your goal as a small group leader is not to introduce men to you. After all, its not the gospel of Rick, Jim, or Phil. Your task is to introduce them to Jesus. And sometimes, the very humbling experiences that tempt you toward insecurity are the ones that purify your leadership. Failure has a way of stripping away ego and re-centering the spotlight on Christ. 

Throughout all of history, the Lord has allowed Christian leaders to fall. Perhaps part of the reason he allows this to happen is to remind both the leaders and those who follow that it was never about the leaders anyway.

Perhaps the most admirable thing about Peter is that he refused to let his very public failures define him. He did not shrink back after denying Christ. He did not resign his commission out of embarrassment. He repented — and then he kept going.That is real humility.

Humility is not thinking less of yourself; it is refusing to be paralyzed by yourself. Peter’s failures did not diminish his drive. If anything, they purified it. And that quality is invaluable for a Forge small group lead.

Peter was a driver. He did not pass the buck. He took ownership of the community entrusted to him. After the Resurrection, it is Peter who stands up. Peter who speaks. Peter who strengthens the brethren. He understood that leadership meant responsibility.

Your small group needs that same spirit.

By now you have likely realized: no one is going to lead your group for you. The Forge movement will rise or fall on the backs of small group leaders who take ownership. The strongest leaders do not wait around for ideal circumstances or for someone else to fill their group with great men. They extend invitations. They leverage their networks. They notice opportunities for growth. They open doors. They rally their men toward something higher. That is what Peter did.

And yes, that kind of boldness sometimes led to humbling moments. But those humiliations did not extinguish Peter’s zeal — they refined it. His courage, tempered by repentance, became strength for the whole Church.

Let it become strength for your group as well.

After you’ve been humbled, you may actually lead better — because you are less interested in being impressive and more interested in being faithful. Leadership in a small group is not about showcasing your knowledge. It is about creating space for encounter. As a Forge small group leader, you are not primarily a lecturer. You are not meant to do all the talking. The goal is to help men encounter Christ within the community of a small group, both through great content but primarily through relationship.

Coaching Questions

1. Vision of Discipleship: After reading this article, how would you now define discipleship in your own words? How is that definition different from simply “running a good meeting”?
   
   
2. Accompaniment vs. Over-Responsibility: Where do you feel tempted to carry loads that are not yours to carry? Are there specific men in your group whose struggles you may be trying to manage rather than accompany?
   
   
3. Christ’s Pattern: Looking at Christ’s model (crowds, 72, 12, 3), how does that free you—or challenge you—in the way you invest your time and energy?
   
   
4. Culture Builder: What would it practically look like in your group to “cultivate a culture of discipleship” rather than just host weekly conversations? What cultural elements (prayer, vulnerability, mission, clarity of teaching, brotherhood) are strongest right now? Which need intentional strengthening?
   
   
5. Paul and Timothy: Is there one man in your group who might be a “Timothy”—someone ready for deeper investment? If so, what would intentional formation of that man look like over the next 6–12 months?
   
   
6. The Peter Fallacy: Have you experienced insecurity about leading—especially when you fail or when another man seems more virtuous or disciplined than you? How does the example of Peter reframe your understanding of what qualifies a man to lead?
   
   
7. Your Own Sanctification: The article insists that leading a small group is a path to deeper union with Christ. How has leading already stretched or sanctified you? Where might Christ be inviting you to deeper imitation through this role?